When the light bulb finally clicked

For about 3 weeks I felt very run down and my stomach just did not feel right. I would feel nauseous on and off. Finally I had enough and decided I need to make a doctors appointment. Something just was not right. 

The night before my doctors appointment my husband and I had a talk. I said I highly doubt it could be that I'm pregnant, I just don't feel well. My husband agreed and said "I highly doubt pregnancy as well". Adam then says "but if you are I want us to be excited about another baby". I couldn't believe the words I was hearing out of his mouth. My husband, the one that only ever wanted 1 child. But now, now my husband is talking nonsense about being excited and how he always thought it would be cool to have a boy first and then a little girl. Someone replaced my husband that night.

The next day rolls around and I am ill. I can hardly get out of bed. I'm nauseous, and to top it off vomiting. As i'm laying on the bathroom floor just trying not to get sick again my sweet little boy comes over and starts rubbing my head. The light bulb clicked! I'm pregnant! I don't know for sure, but I will find out at my doctors appointment, which is in 4 hours. I couldn't wait I had to know now! I pulled myself up off the bathroom floor, rinsed my mouth, put on some sunglasses and off to the store I went.

Asher is beyond tired and ready for his morning nap when we arrive to Giant. AWESOME! Just great. My child is a screaming mess and I'm trying not to puke everywhere. As I get to the isle I need Asher has a complete melt down! Which then makes me start tearing up just thinking "OH MY GOSH I cannot be pregnant, I can not do this." Finally make it to check out and on the way home we go.

Once finally at home I lay Asher upstairs for his nap. He literally was out within 30 seconds. Poor fella was tired. I go downstairs to our half bath and get out my pregnancy test. In my head I'm saying "there is no way".  Well you know how they say wait 3 minutes for results? HA! more like instant. There is was 2 pink lines. I immediately started bawling. We were so set on Asher being an only child. I never wanted to be pregnant again. It literally was my most nightmare that I would become pregnant again. 

Still bawling my eyes out I snap a picture to my husband with the caption "this explains it all". Which proceeds by him calling me. Adam is beyond joyed..... So happy! (someone seriously replaced my husband). So that was that I am pregnant. I proceeded to my doctors appointment and asked her to confirm just in case it was a false positive. Which as I figured, it wasn't. I was still in fact pregnant. 7 weeks pregnant to be exact. 

The next few days I struggled a lot. Not only with just being super sick, but with the fact that literally everything was about to change. My nightmare is now real life. Adam couldn't of been anymore supportive and super excited. For 3 days straight I had major panic attacks and doubted that I could go through another pregnancy and be a good mom. 

We wanted to wait and announce it to my family over the weekend. I couldn't wait any longer. I needed my mom. I needed her to tell me everything was okay. I called my mom and told her I was not okay. One of the things my mom said to me was "Amber it's okay to have 2 kids. That is very common". "I wanted you to have a sibling".  She was right! I was acting like your only suppose to have 1 child and that it is! I did always think it would be nice when Asher (and if he had any siblings) were older that they would come over for dinners and holidays. Also, not that I like to think about it but when Adam and I are gone Asher will now have someone and wont be alone. 

Even at 26 I will admit I still need my mom. Since telling my mom a lot of my fears have vanished and I am able to be very excited to welcome this little bundle of joy! We have a lot of changes that will be taking place but I am trying to embrace them and make it all positive. I do not enjoy being as sick as I am, but I know it is all worth it in the end!
God has other plans for us and I need to sit back and enjoy the ride. Instead of trying to be in control of it.
We will be a family of 4 (5 including Axel :]) in June 2018