So this is out of my niche and not normally what I would blog about. I thought it would make a great topic though and hopefully could help someone else going through the same thing.
This is not something you can prepare for and not something you would expect to happen.
On May 10th 2018 my mother in law passed away. On May 16th 2018 our daughter was born. 6 days apart we lost a life and gained a life. Pretty crazy to think that all happened in a week. One of the saddest days followed by one of the happiest days. All in a week. It was been quite the journey but I feel we are managing very well!
My husband does not always do the best when a tragedy happens. He tends to shut down and become absent in life. I could not have this happen. I needed him to stay focused, I needed him to be there for me, for our daughter, and our 2 year old son. But I also understood that he needed time to grieve.
I wanted to share some tips and how we have been handling this situation in hopes that this could help someone else in this situation.
1. Take Time
Make sure to take time to grieve. Don't keep it bottled up inside. Take time to do the tasks that are at hand. Such as funeral arrangements, cleaning out a loved ones belonging, and making phone calls to settle anything that is left behind. Do this on your time and don't try to do it all at once and become too over whelmed.
Take time to enjoy the happy moment. Do not feel guilty for enjoying the life of your newborn and your family. Take time to cherish that moment.
2. Be Patient
This is a hard one for me. I am not a patient person. What I mean by be patient is, be patient with your significant other. Their mind is out in left field. It is going to take some time for them to heal and to get back to "normal". Adam's thought process is cluttered with all the new tasks at hand and sometimes can't focus and make decisions.
3. Talk about it
I have been with my husband for 6 years. I am really good at reading him. I don't bring up his mom unless he does. When he does talk about her I listen to him talk. Sometimes he just needs to talk. I let him do it on his time though. Leaving out your feelings is a great way to cope.
4. Have a Game Plan
There are a lot of responsibilities that can fall on someone after losing a loved one. Such as funeral expenses, debt, dealing with a vehicle and so on. If your loved one does not have life insurance and a Will this can make things a little more difficult.
I am a planner. My husband won't admit it but I know that is one of my qualities my husband does admire about me. I immediately got a game plan together to try and help lessen his load. Even though I am not Power of Attorney, I am able to write down things my husband needs to do, places he needs to call, and get paper work/ things in order for him for the next day. Having some sort of a game plan not only helps you be organized in what all needs done, but helps keep your mind on track to the tasks at hand.
Not only did we have a game plan for my mother in law, we also had a game plan for the arrival of Aubriella. I had a birth plan which was a big help and had everything planned out as to who would have our 2 year old and how to keep his routine as normal as possible.
So this may sound a little ridiculous but I try to praise my husband. Adam was given 3 days off of work when his mother passed. In those 3 days he was so successful. From calling places to running all over the county, he got in done. He has been handling this situation so well and trying to stay focused and keep his mind in check. Every time he accomplishes a task I let him know how successful his day was and now we can check that off the list. It may sound silly but I really feel its helping him.
6. Embrace New Life
I feel its very ironic how this all worked out. How do you lose someone and then 6 days later have a baby? I push Adam to embrace Aubriella's birth all the time. I am thankful for her making her arrival so quickly because it kept my husband so busy. It kept his mind in a good place. He was so busy with our son and being back and forth at the hospital that his mind didn't have time to shut down. I wanted him to embrace her life and not regret in a few years that he wasn't in the right mind frame.
7. Keep Daily Routine
Trying to keep things "normal" definitely help. We tried to keep our daily routines the same and just add in tasks that needed accomplished as they fitted our schedule. Not only does it help our kids staying on their routine, but also helped the both of us not feel overwhelmed. This kind of goes hand in hand with taking time.
8. Stay Strong & United
I try to be very strong for my husband. I only once cried in front of him about his mom. I don't want him to see me upset and then he gets upset. I was not very close with my mother in law but the whole situation is very sad. It is a very emotional time. I feel through both of these situations it has actually brought my husband and I closer together. These situations have united us closer together than ever. We rely on each other and need each other's support and love.
Next week will be a month since both events happened. We did get a lot accomplished, but still have more to complete. We are taking our time and proceeding on with our lives. We are soaking up every moment with our kiddo's. One day they will not be this small. They keep us going and very busy so we can move forward.
Jubilee D Meyer
6/8/2018 06:25:31 pm
Such a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing your process with us, your vulnerability is so appreciated <3
6/9/2018 01:11:50 pm
I can’t even imagine having to experience this! The tips you provided are great for anyone going through something like this. Thank you for sharing your experience to help others who may be dealing with the same thing!
6/10/2018 05:18:05 am
The circle of life is truly amazing when you dive into it, and dealing with loss at the same time as new life truly is one of the greats miracles to renew your faith.
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Momma of 2